Photography courtesy iStockphoto

Etiquette expert Karen Cleveland has joined Weddingbells as a guest blogger solving all of your decorum dilemmas. Read on for tips on how to retain poise from the minute he proposes.

Ironic, isn’t it? You were likely getting by just fine making decisions until your engagement, and now you are being bombarded with suggestions on how you should do things! Most people have such nostalgia around their own wedding and will freely share advice on how they did things (or plan to do them), hoping you might find these tips helpful. They mean well. And such suggestions are merely that: helpful suggestions. You cannot please everyone, so best to gently set out your planning parameters. Whether you feel stuck in a gridlock with your mother-in-law over flowers, or you’re being snubbed by your sister for choosing cake over the cupcakes she loves, here’s how to finesse some well-intentioned suggestions.

1. Hear them out
Most people chiming in with suggestions genuinely want to help and their ideas are often couched in either how they did things at their wedding, or what they envision for you. They simply want to know that you have heard what they have to say. If your mother-in-law is waxing about how much she loves peonies, ask for details! What was her bouquet like? How many bridesmaids did she have again? Does she have peonies in her garden?

2. Acknowledge their suggestions and have conviction in your decision
Clearly let the other person know that you’ve heard their suggestion ─ an acknowledgement might be all they are after and then you can’t be faulted for not hearing them out. Tell your mother-in-law the peony bouquet in her wedding photos looked gorgeous, but you really have your heart set on hydrangeas, for example. If you waffle or ask her what she thinks of hydrangeas, you might be inviting more helpful suggestions so be mindful of how the discussion ends.

3. Carry on
You can make people feel included in your planning without feeling pressure to let others make decisions for you. And while compromise is key between you and your fiancé, it is not the end of the world if your mother-in-law isn’t in love with your floral arrangements. Being rude to her, however, might be! Just remember: The communication lines you establish and the grace you exude will far outlast your wedding day.

Karen Cleveland is a Toronto-based etiquette advisor and writer. For more on her column, Finishing School, find her on Twitter or send her your questions and conundrums here.

Photography courtesy iStockphoto

Still looking for your perfect first dance or entrance song? We asked our Facebook and Twitter followers which songs they picked to help inspire your choice and here’s what they had to say.

“Only You Can Love Me This Way” by Keith Urban
– Jess Collins via Facebook

“Everything” by Lifehouse
– Natalie Clark Amies via Facebook

“Crazy Little Thing Called Love” by Queen
– Liz Gruening via Facebook

“Thousand Mile Wish” by Finger Eleven
– Shannon McShane via Facebook

“Thank You For Loving Me” by Bon Jovi
– Jennifer Southern via Facebook

“Easy To Love You” by Theory Of A Deadman
– Sara Mowat via Facebook

“I Do” by Paul Brant
– Linda Harrington via Facebook

“In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel
– Janice Head-Bowman via Facebook

“Songbird” by Fleetwood Mac
– @LoveDefeatsHate via Twitter

“I Love You This Big” by Scottie McCreery
– Melissa Bez via Facebook

“Amazed” by Lonestar
– Marie-Josee Gagnon via Facebook

“Bless The Broken Road” by Rascal Flatts
– Tara Drolet via Facebook

“Never Quit Loving You” by Jill Barber
– Alison Baker via Facebook

“All About Us” by He Is We Featuring Owl City
– Desiree Erlam via Facebook

“Through The Years” by Kenny Rogers
– Chandra Lavergne via Facebook

“Crazy Love” by Van Morrison
– Cathy Vernon via Facebook

“Come Away With Me” by Norah Jones
- Michelle Clayton via Facebook

“Then” by Brad Paisley
- Sylvia Davie via Facebook

“When I’m With You” by Sherriff
- David and Shari Anderson via Facebook

“When You Say Nothing At All” by Allison Krauss and Keith Whitley
- Michelle Richard via Facebook

“I’ll Be” by Edwin McCain
- Kathy Sebo via Facebook

To join in this discussion and others follow us at facebook.com/weddingbellsmag or twitter.com/weddingbellsmag.

Image courtesy iStockphoto.com

Celebrity wedding planner David Connolly from Rich Bride, Poor Bride has joined Weddingbells as a guest blogger answering all of your burning wedding-related questions. Need some help with the planning process? Have a question about etiquette, organization or budgeting? Post your question in the comment field below and we’ll forward it directly to David.

Here is this week’s reader question:

Q: Where do you think the most important part of your budget should go to on your big day?
- Melissa Ann Dorey via Facebook

A: Hi Melissa,

This is completely up to the priorities you have set as a couple when creating your overall budget. It’s usually determined by your culture, custom and desires.

Traditionally 40% to 50% is allocated for reception venue costs: staffing, food and beverages, taxes and tip, which makes it the “most” but not always the most “important.” Most brides will argue that the most important element is the gown, even though total attire costs, including accessories and the groom’s suit, usually only make up 10% of the entire budget.

For some, however, a destination or photography trumps an expensive wedding wardrobe. So you see, it’s completely dependent on how you’ve decided to bring your vision to life.

The good news is that by asking the question, it indicates that you realize the most important part of wedding planning is creating a comprehensive, realistic budget. When dividing your total figure amongst these line items, you are setting your priorities and the “most important” or “most costly” elements will appear as a result.

Hope this helps!

David

Find David on Facebook at Facebook.com/theaislefile

Photo courtesy iStockphoto

Celebrity wedding planner David Connolly from Rich Bride, Poor Bride has joined Weddingbells as a guest blogger answering all of your burning wedding-related questions. Need some help with the planning process? Have a question about etiquette, organization or budgeting? Post your question in the comment field below and we’ll forward it directly to David.

Are the risks of an unpredictable forecast worth the reward of the magic (and often cost savings) winter weddings bring? Absolutely. Here are some tips to help you navigate through the unique challenges the season brings.

1.  HIDE
If Mother Nature creates a vista that isn’t in your vision you can rent a walled, entrance canopy tent to keep your guests protected from the weather and the less than perfect scenery. Likewise, if the view from the reception room is of a storm that might cause guest anxiety/early departure or is of mud-puddled, frosted grass that looks nothing like view in the brochure, consider changing the view either by drawing the curtains, installing semi-opaque sheers over the windows or focusing the attention on you through lighting and a gorgeous backdrop.

2. PROVIDE
A comfortable, well-functioning coat check area is vital and an easy DIY project if one isn’t available at your venue(s). You’ll need: Standard-sized coat racks (large enough to accommodate approximately 30 coats each) as well as perforated ‘double-numbered’ tickets pre-hung on the hangars to aid in recovery. There should also be ample, available seating to change out of snow/rain boots into dry shoes and a place to store the wet footwear. Finally, stickers or tags guests can write their name on and affix to their umbrellas makes returning a mass of black umbrellas easier at the end of the night. If guests choose to wear snowy or muddy footwear into the ceremony space, make sure they walk around the centre aisle to their seats and that any foot wiping mats are removed before the bride’s entrance.

3. PROTECT
Be sure your vendor contracts include an ‘Act of God’ clause in the unlikely event that a blizzard or freak sleet storm prevents your wedding from happening. You may also want to research the growing popularity of wedding insurance.

4. FAKE
If a sparkling snowy wonderland is vital to the success of your vision renting an artificial snow-making machine, the kind used for ski hills or movies, provides a guarantee. Their rental cost is variable depending on the surface area and amount you desire. For example: A machine that can produce 2.5 tons of artificial snow rents for approximately $2500.

5.  MAKE
Have a phone call chain of people in place to communicate with your guests and vendors should your day be postponed. Or supply a number to your guests to call if it becomes a day-of decision.

6.  TAKE
Remind your guests to include extra, weather-related travel time in their planning.

7. WARMTH
Typically groomsmen who don’t have appropriate overcoats to wear with their tuxedos or suits forgo outerwear all together. This is a mistake as they will be called upon in inclement weather to help get people safely to their cars or shuttle buses. Tell them to forgo style for a warm coat, gloves and hat to protect them from harsh weather. One of them should also be responsible for creating and transporting an inclement weather ‘emergency kit’ of salt, anti-freeze, an extra windshield scraper, jumper cables and an emergency flashlight.

8.  WHITE
Brides should have vehicles large enough to accommodate the dress, coat, stole, wrap and umbrella. If time allows, travel in sweats and dress at your venues if the possibility of getting water or mud and slush on your dress are irreversible. Otherwise, a contingent of people to lift hems and carry umbrellas will be required.

9.  CONNECT
Ask your venue rep what their specific ‘weather’ procedures are. Do they have on-site staff to shovel and salt? How busy is the local plowing company they use? How soon before your arrival are their driveways, parking lots and walkways cleared? Do they have golf umbrellas available for your use?

10.  WISH
Make peace with fact that anything is possible, everything is subject to change and that adding the intense emotions of a wedding to the already highly emotional holiday season requires patience, preparation, humour and balance.

Find David on Facebook at Facebook.com/theaislefile

Celebrity wedding planner David Connolly from Rich Bride, Poor Bride has joined Weddingbells as a guest blogger answering all of your burning wedding-related questions. Need some help with the planning process? Have a question about etiquette, organization or budgeting? Post your question in the comment field below and we’ll forward it directly to David.

Here is this week’s reader question:

Q: I heard some people tip everyone (the church, the wedding planner, the people who work at the reception, etc). How much is appropriate? For example say it cost 600 to get married in your church, how much would you tip on that? I totally get/agree that you would want to show your gratitude and appreciation for your vendors … I’m just concerned with looking cheap. Is there a magic percentage like there is for restaurants? I don’t want anyone to feel insulted and this is totally stressing me out haha :) Thanks in advance for any advice you have!
- Courtney McKay via Facebook

A: Hi Courtney,

Great question. To ease your stress, I offer these “Tips On Tipping.” To obliterate your stress, I offer them in a video game metaphor with the hope that your groom may consider taking on this great-for-grooms task. And now, without further i-do, we proudly introduce: VENDOR QUEST: T.Y.100.

LEVEL ONE: The Thank Yous
Your first task is to extend verbal or written thanks to everyone involved in the planning, design and management of your day. “It takes a village” as they say and 100 percent of the village deserves to be recognized by you personally. Bonus points for giving extra cupcakes to the rental company movers or left over flowers to the coat check attendant.

LEVEL TWO: Gratuity-ville
In this level you are encouraged to offer something EXTRA to those who do something EXTRA. How do you know the difference between “extra” and “expected”? Collect the signed contracts that you made with everyone supplying goods or services. The specific details of your expectations and a mutually agreed upon compensation, including any anticipated gratuity, should be outlined. Your mission is to recognize and tip when work is done outside that agreement or is of an unexpectedly personal or higher-than-anticipated calibre.

On this level, remember to tip those who fulfill extra requests you have texted like: “I love it but can you make it in persimmon stripes/two feet taller/an hour later/fully submersible?” Or Facebook-ed “I know we said absolutely 100, final number, but I anxiously sent the B list so we’re at 155. Actually 153 plus 2 more junior bridesmaids. Not a big deal right? Don’t worry if you can’t get the extra custom table cloths in time…although it sure would be nice.”

Others to consider tipping: Anyone who provided personal connections or referrals, creative solutions or budget-conscious DIY ideas which resulted in considerable cost- or stress-savings.

How many magical tipping tokens to give away is player’s choice with the standard being 15 to 20 percent of the service. The Wedding Wizard suggests buying tickets (available in all price points) to something the vendor has shown
interest in during your time together (live theatre, sporting events, movies, concerts, hobby shows). Bonus points for giving them out at the rehearsal or last meeting before the wedding day. This marks a substantial difference between trusting gratitude and dangling reward.

LEVEL THREE: The Final Test-imonial
On level three, you hold the most valuable reward, one everyone wants and that money can’t buy: A testimonial and offer of future referral. It should be given to those who have earned it and, as such, understand nothing is more valuable than reputation. You offering permission to be a future reference and actively sharing a good word of mouth is, well, priceless.

APPRECIATION RECAP
1. Thank You = 100% of All vendors/suppliers (verbal or written)
2. Gratuity = Extra 15-20% of fee for extra service.
3. Reward = Reference and testimonials.

Hope this helps you navigate your way to top scorer in record time.

Thankfully Yours,
David

“Feeling gratitude but not sharing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”
- William Arthur Wars

Find David on Facebook at Facebook.com/theaislefile

The road to planning a wedding can be stressful and even the smallest details can be incredibly difficult to decide on. You can ask family and friends for help, but ultimately the final decisions have to be made by you and your hubby-to-be. To offer some solace, we asked our Facebook and Twitter followers what they struggled with while planning. Here’s what they had to say.

“My hardest decision was my first dance songs and the father daughter dances because music is so meaningful.”
- Chandra Lavergne via Facebook

“Invitations”
- Linda Gurd via Facebook

“My shoes! All the other decisions just seemed to fall into place when we needed them to but I struggled for months to find the perfect shoes.”
- Laurie de Fleuriot via Facebook

“Cutting a photographer out because there wasn’t room for one in the budget.”
- Melissa Bez via Facebook

“Hands down, it’s deciding on a budget, and sticking to a budget.”
- @judyelee via Twitter

“Drawing a line of who was invited to the reception. We would have loved everyone we know there but it just wasn’t realistic for us.”
- Tara MacDonald via Facebook

“Deciding on a location for our wedding”
- Kat Krapivina via Facebook

“Guest list. There are a couple of people on the grooms side I really don’t want at my wedding. Still undecided.”
- Jennifer Stone via Facebook

“Venue and guestlist, the two coincide.”
- Alexandra via Facebook

“Who cuts the guest list.”
- @bluepoppy_mk via Twitter

“Who and how to involve close friends and family.”
- Michelle Poirier via Facebook

“I would have to say picking a florists has been the hardest decision for me.”
- Kathy Larkin via Facebook

“Location.”
- Nicky Lynn Dundas via Facebook

“The registry…who knew that picking out “free” gifts could be so hard? I don’t know if I want a gravy boat or a salad plate, bread plate, dessert plate, brown towels or beige towels! I’m getting stressed just typing this.”
- Liz Gruening via Facebook

“Location!! There’s so many options.”
- YourWeddingAway via Facebook

“For some reason I had more trouble with all the small decisions than the bigger ones. We only saw one venue, and booked it. Of course the most important decision is the fiancé.”
- Diane Lucas via Facebook

To join in this discussion and others follow us at facebook.com/weddingbellsmag or twitter.com/weddingbellsmag.

Photo courtesy David Connolly

Celebrity wedding planner David Connolly from Rich Bride, Poor Bride has joined Weddingbells as a guest blogger answering all of your burning wedding-related questions. Need some help with the planning process? Have a question about etiquette, organization or budgeting? Post your question in the comment field below and we’ll forward it directly to David.

In honour of another successful Toronto Fashion week, here are some “I dos” and don’ts regarding your wedding dress fitting.

DO make your first fitting appointment six weeks prior to your wedding, because unless you’re 5’7” and wearing a three-inch heel, you’re going to need alterations.

DO make peace with your body the way it is at your second fitting, scheduling your fitness regime to become a maintenance program at that time.

DO bring your actual wedding shoes as there is no other way to determine the perfect length. If you don’t have them, reschedule the fitting. Hem length and fit are not something people notice when they are perfect. You tripping over extra material on your way down the aisle is definitely something people will notice.

DO bring your undergarments. Find functional, properly-fitted support that will create a perfect (yet potentially unfamiliar) silhouette. Remember, if your dress is structured and proportioned to be larger than life, you might have to be too. No problem thanks to body shapers with support in a colour as close to your skin tone as possible, self-adhesive bras, balconettes, padding, and petals.

DO NOT feel guilty about taking the time to meticulously examine the dress for marks, tears, loose seams, missing beading, discoloration etc.

DO schedule your hair and makeup trial before your second fitting, then bring a silk scarf to cover your hair and face to get in and out of the gown. If scheduling doesn’t work, don’t wear any makeup to the fitting, just to be safe. NO ONE handling the dress should wear watches or personal jewellery that could potentially snag lace, tulle, organza etc.

DO familiarize yourself with the bustle on your dress. Figure out where all the hooks and loops are so you can easily transition the gown on your wedding day.

DO bring whoever is going to be helping you get in the dress and bustle it to the fitting for a how-to tutorial.

DO try on many veils and headpieces while in the dress. If you have a small face, wearing your hair up and off it will make it look bigger. So will choosing smaller hair accessories worn close to your head. Conversely for big faces, consider wearing pieces of your hair down and choosing bigger hair accessories and veils to create proportion.

DO consider a final light steam wherever you are getting dressed especially if you’ve traveled with your gown. If you don’t have a steamer run a hot shower in a bathroom with a closed door until a medium steam is created, then bring the dress in and hang it on the back of the door. With a white towel wrapped around your arm, lightly sweep the dress downward to the hem, starting with the inside layer.

DO budget for alterations from the beginning, remembering the more elaborate the dress, the more money, time and level of expertise required to alter it. A bodice and sleeves can range from $30 to over $100 if laced, beaded or boned. Bustles and pressing/steaming can cost from $30-$100 each depending on length of train, etc.

DO remember that “attire” is traditionally budgeted at 10 percent of the total wedding cost and should include gown, alterations, shoes, head piece(s), undergarments, accessories, jewelry AND whatever expenses the groom incurs.

“Asking an experienced seamstress to mend is like asking Michelangelo to paint your garage.” ~Author Unknown

Find David on Facebook at Facebook.com/theaislefile

Photography courtesy Jenny Alston of Imajen Photography (imajenphoto.com)

You spent countless hours picking the perfect dress and altering it to fit you like a glove. So after you’ve said your “I dos” and danced the night away, would you be willing to trash that treasured gown? We asked our Facebook and Twitter followers whether or not trash the dress photo shoots are a good idea. Here’s what they had to say:

“I think there’s going to be a lot of regrets down the road if you choose to trash the dress.”
- Maxine Elliott via Facebook

“Trash it! What else are you going to do with it?”
- Carrie Buchanan via Facebook

“Trash the dress, it would make great pictures.”
- Kat Krapivina via Facebook

“Donate it. There was a fundraiser in conjunction with breast cancer involving wedding dresses. Do a little research and find an organization that could benefit from your dress. You’ll feel great that you got to help another bride feel as special as you did.”
- Christina Hiebert via Facebook

“I spent a lot of money on my dress. Either I’m going to sell it or donate it. Trash the dress is the equivalent of buying a brand new 40″ LCD tv and throwing it in a lake or rolling it around in the mud.”
- Melissa Gunn via Facebook

“I did trashed my dress and loved it. I actually did it twice. I want to make it a tradition to do it every year.”
- Kylee A Marshall-Morano via Facebook

“I had a client who bought a second, less expensive dress to trash. We had a blast shooting her!”
- Adam Kuzik via Facebook

“Donate it or sell it on consignment. Weddings are expensive and some people would give anything to have your beautiful dress but they can’t afford it new. I just think trashing it is selfish. I feel that your trash is someone else’s want or need. We are using kissing games at the wedding to raise money for local food banks.”
- Jennifer Stone via Facebook

“I trashed my dress. The dress hadn’t been dry cleaned yet so I took some great trash the dress pics then dry cleaned it. It came out good as new and now I am choosing between consignment or donation.”
- Dana Salares via Facebook

“Sold my dress at a garage sale. The young girl who bought it was going to use the bodice part only and combine it with a skirt she bought elsewhere.”
- Dory Ainsworth via Facebook

“Dye it pink, yellow, or blue. Buy a tiara  and have a Disney princess bar crawl.”
- Christopher Townsend via Facebook

“Don’t trash it! I’m keeping the dress and cutting it shorter so I can wear it again.”
- Shenifa Velji via Facebook

“To be honest I could never destroy my dress. I am so much in love with it. My mom took her wedding dress and turned it into my first communion dress. Maybe someday I’ll do that for my daughter.”
- Kathy Larkin via Facebook

“I trashed my dress in the ocean in Mexico and the pictures are amazing. Everyone loves them and the dress was dry cleaned and still looks brand new.”
- Jennifer Kuhn via Facebook

“I dry cleaned mine and got it packaged to keep and hopefully fit into it on our 25th anniversary when we renew our vows or my daughters can wear it.”
- Chandra Lavergne via Facebook

“I cringe every time a see a trash the dress shoot. Bridal gowns are just so special and usually cost so much. I wouldn’t want to ruin my dress.”
- Debbie Bessa via Facebook

“We did some fun after-the-wedding pictures. But I didn’t trash it, I could never do that. On the big day you are so busy and don’t want to get dirty, so during our ‘cherish the dress’ photo session a month later, we did fun things like laying on the ground and on the swings. The pictures turned out great and I got to wear my dress again! After, I hand washed the bottom hem and  it is as good as new.”
- Laura Arends-Dube via Facebook

“I like to think of it more as ‘rock the dress’ vs. ‘trash’ I didn’t do anything crazy like rip it up over some rocks, or go into the water (mainly because there wasn’t a great spot to do that where we were). I didn’t want to ruin my dress because I paid a decent amount for it and it has a lot of meaning to me. It came out just like new after one wash! Doing a ‘rock the dress’ was so much fun! It gave me an opportunity to put on the dress and get dolled up again.”
- Veronica Hoch via Facebook

To join in this discussion and others follow us at facebook.com/weddingbellsmag or twitter.com/weddingbellsmag.