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Choosing Your Attendants
One of the biggest decisions you’ll make when it comes to planning your wedding (aside from your choice of groom, of course!) is who to choose to be your attendants—and how best to do it. In today’s day and age, sisters, siblings, and second-cousins-once-removed may all be on the shortlist, in addition to your own dear friends. Narrowing it down to a reasonably sized group can be challenging, so I thought I’d offer my thoughts in hopes of possibly helping other brides-to-be.
When deciding on bridesmaids and a maid of honour, I believe the most important thing is to think about what you feel the roles represent. I believe it’s an honourable position, reflective of a person’s importance in your life—not just on your wedding day. I chose people I know have been there through thick and thin before there was even talk of a wedding, and I know will be there through the good times and the bad for the rest of the marriage. It’s great to have somebody who’ll hold your flowers while you make the biggest promises of your life, or hold up your dress in a tiny bathroom stall after one too many Starbucks—but it’s better to be able to share the most amazing day of your life with the people who’ll still be there if you and your hubby have a fight, or who’ll jump for joy when you decide to start a family.
I know of many brides who’ve succumbed to pressure from mothers/aunts/future-mother-in-laws, and have been talked into asking their fiancé’s sister’s-best-friends to stand up in place of their own. It’s a difficult situation in which to say “no” —but it’s important to remember that this is your celebration, and standing up there with you should be the people you can count on for life.
Once you’ve made your wedding party decisions, however, you may be left with a few people you really would like to include in being a part of your big day. I certainly have a few, and David and I are currently looking for alternate roles which will make these people feel valued and responsible—but won’t hinder their enjoyment of the celebration. Let’s face it—guest books and cakes can look after themselves, and I’d much rather my friends were able to enjoy the festivities without being tied to a table!
Right now, we’re thinking of a few things:
- Ceremony readings: An important part of the ceremony, but I know first-hand how intimidating it can be, and we don’t want to instigate any anxiety or stage fright!
- Walking grandparents down the aisle: I personally don’t have any extended family here in Canada, but David’s is full of wonderful people. This way, the whole family can be honoured in walking down the aisle.
- Witnesses to signing the marriage license
- Candle lighting: We’re undecided on what sort of unity ceremony we may have, but even if it doesn’t include candles, our priest (and good friend) loves the idea of a candle-lit ceremony—a time consuming role, but hopefully one that could be tackled by a group—who would hopefully be happy to see their hard work create such a beautiful atmosphere!
What are your thoughts on wedding party inclusion, and alternative roles for those not directly in an attendant position?
Tags: blogger search, bridesmaids, maid of honour, traditional, wedding party
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I know, I know. LATE comment! But I wanted to say I think what you’ve done regarding the wedding party is mature and fair and by the end of it you’ll have not regrets as to who stood up to share your special day. :)
So excited for you!!! :) :)
Hey!
I thankfully didn’t have any pressure to include anyone in my wedding party, but it still is a hard decision. I thought it was important to include people with whom I had history with, not just necessarily the people that I hang out with the most. I’m also trying to find roles for the other important people in my life, and just to add to your list, you can have a couple of MC’s to include more of your friends/family.
As well, I don’t have to pick christian music…so I welcome secular ideas!
I’m so thankful that no one pressured me on my attendant choice, I see that popular opinion shows most brides are. I think that’s unfortunate, they aren’t thinking about how they’d feel if someone put them in that position.
And it does become hard to say no, especially if it’s your mom, or someone close upset by your choices.
I’m now officially jealous of you! I love all the pictures especially the one of you with the dolphin. So cool!! I know what you mean about disconnecting from chores, bills, responsibilities and I can’t wait to do that when we go on our (late) honeymoon whenever that will be, haha.
This comment was originally posted on Emily Jane
I agree that the bride should not let other people dictate who should be in her bridal party. You spend so much time with them planning the wedding, and it’s important to have someone you can share every aspect (laughing, crying, etc) with.
That sounds like a glorious vacation overall. And I’m so insanely jealous you got to swim with a dolphin. You have no idea. I’m pretty sure my nerves would get the best of me if I ever tried to snorkel (I have a huge fear of not being able to breath).
This comment was originally posted on Emily Jane
hey em I found your link on facebook & wanted to say a big HELLO from across the pond. just catchin up on readin your other blogs & i reckon you should take this, looks like your the only person who’s blog mates from normal blogging are all on board too!!! :o) keep up the good writin and we all wish you the best of luck (after your lot you deserve it!), kel says hi too, talk soon and all the best. vote emily people!!!
soph xxx
It really was! I think January is probably the best time to go away out of the whole year
This comment was originally posted on Emily Jane
LOL and it’s settled, no more snorkelling, ever!
This comment was originally posted on Emily Jane
Awww thanks you guys
This comment was originally posted on Emily Jane
I was SINGING “Dolphin dolphin dolphin” the whole day afterwards! Haha!
This comment was originally posted on Emily Jane
Oh wow! I am so jealous! Looks like you guys a really fantastic time, what a great way to go into the new year. x
This comment was originally posted on Emily Jane
By the way, I put you in my blog roll, under the name “Em-J”
hehe.
This comment was originally posted on Emily Jane
I’m so happy you’re back, I missed your cheerful presence! But I’m even happier that you two had an awesome time. It sounds wonderful, and makes me want to go on a vacation! Just the two of us, sun, sand, delicious coconut drinks! Mmmmm I can imagine it now. And the swimming with the dolphins!! OMG. So stinkin’ cute. I would love to do that!! How amazing. Thanks for sharing your trip with us!!
This comment was originally posted on Emily Jane
Wow! Looks like you had a brilliant, brilliant time! I wouldn’t worry about the snorkelling, I went last year at the Great Barrier Reef in Australia and actually, it was totally gorgeous right up until you realised how much fish poop. And how all the murky clouds? Totally fish poop. I got out of the water pretty quick when I realised what I was swimming in!
This comment was originally posted on Emily Jane
Aww, thanks again :) You guys are too sweet. I think we’re both very blessed this time around :)
I’d love to do lunch again soon – let me know when you’re free!
You got to hug a dolphin!? I’m super jealous. SUPER JEALOUS.
Not to mention you’re incredibly adorable which makes me even more jealous
This comment was originally posted on Emily Jane
Very nice post my dear! And I’ll echo the same thing that some of the ladies have been saying: you’re going to have one great looking wedding party :). Great on you for sharing some advice on picking your wedding attendants and I agree that it’s sometimes hard to say no but it is YOUR wedding so you should be able to have everything you wanted on YOUR day.
I’m glad you’re able to spend your day with those that were there for you through thick and thin even before the engagement – I’m just as equally blessed! All of my wedding party have been there for Mark and I through our toughest times (either before we met and our life together).
Great post as always! Let’s do lunch again soon, I’d love to hear about your trip :).
Hi Roxanne, JULY!! That’s so soon!! You must be so excited… I’m very lucky I don’t have anyone pushing me into doing anything, but I’m glad it helped :) I know it’s something lots of people struggle with.
I like all the ideas! I’m just hoping to find the most meaningful things to show the people we care about how important they are to us – I refuse to stick somebody by a cake stand :)