"I am Tarzan of the Apes. I want you. I am yours. You are mine. We will live here together always in my house. I will hunt for you. I will fight for you. When you see this you will know that Tarzan of the Apes loves you."
Really, simple as it is, Tarzan's deeply felt vow to Jane wasn't too far off the pattern that many wedding ceremonies follow. Whether you choose traditional vows or write your own, there are many ways to say "I do."
Keep the Tradition
Each religion determines what makes a marriage ceremony acceptable. For some faiths, the traditional vows are non-negotiable, and the officiant is expected to deliver a specific service. Your officiant can advise which lines must be included in order for the wedding to be legal.
Even when not required, couples may choose to go with traditional vows because they find them meaningful or comforting. "The people going traditional are those lacking time or those nervous because they don’t want to speak personal or memorized thoughts," explains Carollyne B. Rayner, an Alberta marriage commissioner based in Calgary, who oversees 125 weddings annually.
To aid nervous couples, Rayner copies the personal vows onto index cards to hand over discreetly at the appropriate moment if the couple don’t want to memorize or if the moment becomes too emotional.
Personalize Your Pledge
Creative couples may wish to add a personal touch or even write their own words, and some officiants are happy to incorporate these. In fact, sometimes your officiant can help with this. Rayner had amassed so much information that, at the urging of her clients, she published it as a book: You Can Write "I Do" and More (crayneralbertamarriagecommissioner.com). It includes examples of vows, readings and special ceremonies.
Many internet sites offer vow samples, including documentsanddesigns.com which lists the top 10 vows. Try brilliantweddingpages.com for a questionnaire to help you and your betrothed write your vows.
If you decide to scribe your own vows to your sweetheart, here are some starting points.
Set the tone: First and foremost, you and your fiancé have to lay down some ground rules. Brainstorm and decide on a theme or topic of inspiration. Are there certain words or phrases that you are both going to repeat, or are you planning on totally individual speeches? Also, set a time limit for the vow. Aim for balanced speeches that are short and sweet—the most moving vows are succinct and to the point.
Cast a backward glance: Your most precious memories can form the foundation of your vows, so don’t be afraid to get sentimental! Use your most flowery prose to describe how you first met your sweetie, the moment you fell in love and when you knew it was meant to be. Talk about a special vacation or your favourite restaurant. Give the audience a sense of what makes you a unique couple, and why you’re perfect for one another. Intersperse your personal recollections with song lyrics or poetry excerpts that reflect your feelings. And don’t be afraid to add some comic relief if you feel like you’re taking yourself too seriously!
Gaze into a crystal ball: Reflect on the past and try looking ahead in your relationship to what married life may hold. Are you looking forward to buying a house, travelling the world or starting a family? Reveal your hopes and dreams with your beloved in front of the people who care about you most. Where do you see yourself in 10 or 20 years time? These reflections can inspire you to compose a moving, captivating speech expressing what marriage truly means to you.
Above all, be yourself: One groom-to-be used words from favourite childhood author Dr. Seuss as inspiration (annexed.net): "Yes, I’ll love her if we’re rich. And I will love her in a ditch. I’ll love her through good times and bad. Whether we are happy or sad. Yes, I will have and I will hold. (I could have sworn this has been told!) I promise to love all my life this woman, as my lawful wife!”
Get the seal of approval: It is essential you run your vows past your officiant before the big day to make sure that he or she is comfortable with the content. The average officiant has attended a fair share of weddings and will likely have some valuable insight into what makes a good set of vows.
Practice makes perfect: While you’re busy pouring your heart out, keep in mind that vows are going to go public eventually! As with any speaking engagement, your best preparation is practicing aloud in front of a mirror. Or else you could rope your maid of honour into listening to you. Also, make sure you have a copy of the vows with you during the ceremony—you might think you’ve memorized your speech, but once you get carried away with all the emotion of the day…you might actually be at a loss for words!
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