He popped the question, you said yes...and you even found the dress of your dreams. However, the wedding day is approaching and there’s still a dress dilemma—what about mom?
Dress Distress
Dressing the mother of the bride (or groom) for your wedding can provide unexpected complications that may make a good story one day, but in the moment, is no laughing matter. Does the MOB want to wear a dress she bought in 1973? Or one that strikingly resembles a bridal gown…more specifically, your bridal gown? Or a muumuuesque swatch of cloth that could double as a tent? Or, worse still, a dress so revealingly risqué that—for better or worse—all eyes will be on her?
Bridal Call
Luckily, most moms are interested in putting their best foot forward on their daughter’s wedding day. Wedding planner Natasha Marsh, of Lower Sackville, Nova Scotia’s Magical Moments, finds that MOBs are concerned not only with the colour of their dress, but with matching the function’s level of formality. “When it comes to shopping for mom’s dress, many brides’ main concern is for her to look good without looking like a member of the wedding party itself—a fine balance,” Marsh notes. Elie Kadoch, owner of Montreal’s S.B. Soireé, agrees. “A lot of the mothers just aren’t used to wearing evening gowns or dresses, especially when they’ll be co-starring on the stage,” he says, noting that the MOB is often the centre of much attention on the wedding day.
What Mom Wants
As the MOB, mom knows guests will seek her out to congratulate her. “Often, mom is looking for a happy medium between looking fashionable and wanting guests to instinctively know she is the bride’s mother—without having to ask,” Marsh informs. There is a primary concern most moms have when getting a dress to attend their daughter’s or daughter-in-law’s wedding. “They’re trying to look appropriate,” Kadoch says. “But mothers cannot be stereotyped anymore...and I really don’t believe they should be,” he says, suggesting the dowdy dress stereotype of decades past no longer applies to modern mothers.
Pick A Palette
The first thing to figure out is what you’d like your mom to don on your big day. Do you envision her standing beside you in a complementary or contrasting colour? Would you like her to coordinate with the MOG, or sport an entirely different hue?
When MOB is MOH
If you have positioned mom as your maid of honour or a bridesmaid, consider matching her dress to the rest of the bridal party. Many stores selling bridesmaid gowns also sell matching fabrics and trim, so you can have an appropriate dress made. Allow ample time prior to W-day for all necessary fittings.
Source It Out
If you have something really particular in mind for mom, let her know in advance so she is prepared to consider your choice. Try previewing the wares at a store carrying the kind of dress you’d like her to wear, then take her shopping specifically to that store.
Tailor-Made For Success
One good way to ensure a garment fits mom well is to have it made to order. This is especially practical if your mom is hard to fit, or if all the ready-to-wear styles she’s tried are distinctly unflattering on her. Consider going custom if you have ample time before the wedding—Kadoch recommends six months to a year, although he says depending on the label or the designer, some gowns can be turned around within three weeks to six months. To go custom, you’ll need the funds to go forward fashionably, since made-to-measure garments offer great value but are often pricier than their prêt-à-porter cousins. Another reason to go with a design pro: mom will feel more comfortable in clothing she knows fits her to perfection.
Camouflage Trouble Areas
Typically, different dress styles tend to look good on different body shapes. “First of all,” says Toronto-area dress designer Catherine Langlois, “fit is really important—don’t try to fit into something too small…or too large for you, which will, contrary to popular belief, also make you look bigger.” Langlois’ top pick for any shape is an A-line dress that is not overly wide or straight. If an oversized gut and butt are concerns, this cut could be the winner. “A-line kills two birds with one stone,” Kadoch concurs.
Material Girl
“Any fabric, as long as it’s cut properly, will flatter your physique,” Kadoch insists. To trim the look of your rear end, Langlois suggests inserting a godet, or large triangular piece of fabric, made of material that flows, at the back of the dress, slightly above the knee. It falls to the floor in a slight train on the centre back seam, forming a sweep that is like a less-exaggerated mermaid cut. “It’s more classic and understated than the typical Hollywood mermaid cut,” Langlois explains, adding that again, this cut draws attention away from your bottom.
Waist Not, Want Not
For those targeting a wide waistline, options abound. “If they’re going with a two-piece, a flared skirt in a flowing material like chiffon, silk, charmeuse or crepe can draw attention downward and away,” Kadoch reports.
“Either wear a universally flattering cut, with a slightly dropped waist about two inches below the navel, or create interest anywhere other than at the waist—like a V-neck with beading, some kind of bow detailing or a portrait collar,” Langlois suggests.
Up In Arms
If arms are an issue and the dress the MOB likes best is a sleeveless style or one exposing a lot of arm, cover up with a fancy shrug, stole, pashmina, cape, shawl, or some other wrap, like a bolero-style jacket, that can be worn over the dress. This is not only pretty, but practical too, as it gives her an ability to layer throughout the evening. Alternately, add either a short sleeve to the dress, or do some draping off the shoulder in a light fabric like chiffon with beading to match the dress, a hot trend according to Kadoch. If mom wants a strapless or spaghetti-strap gown, an ideal addition that attaches to the dress is a fingerless glove-sleeve that extends to the top of the bicep, in a sheer or stretchy fabric, like lace, mesh or netting. “It’s the new shrug,” Langlois reports.
Suits Her
Last, don’t neglect the suit option! Many women not only look better in suits, but feel better in them, too. Kadoch proffers that two-piece options, like a top and skirt, can be more flattering, drawing attention away from common problem areas, like the waistline. Another dress alternative: palazzo pants. Get them in a fabric with a bit of swish, like crepe, chiffon or georgette, in a straight, wide cut that might look like a skirt—until you move. “A short jacket, with a bustier made of Chinese brocade underneath, looks really sharp when accessorized with a great necklace and a pair of killer heels,” Langlois advises.
Look Good, Feel Better
Don’t forget that in the end, it’s really all about mom: she won’t look great unless she feels great, so her comfort is key. If you try outfitting her in a dress she thinks is unflattering, she may shy away from the stage, or refrain from getting down on the dance floor and enjoying herself with everyone else. Whatever mom ends up donning on W-day, make her happy by showing her enough appreciation to support her dress choice.
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