The word “etiquette” conjures up images of stuffy, old parlour rooms and empire dresses; a world removed from the life we live. Often times we also ignore protocol simply because it can be so confusing, especially when there are five forks and three spoons at your place setting! When it comes to your wedding day, first decide what kind of wedding and reception you want before you decide how to act. By choosing the venue, seating, attire, menu and entertainment, you determine the formality and the rules accompanying that particular style.
FORMAL
Formal weddings worry prospective brides because the rules appear restrictive. You can spend most of your planning time studying how to have things “just so.”
To help guests, make it clear in the invitation your event is formal. Black Tie means men wear tuxedos and women wear cocktail dresses, evening gowns or dressy evening separates. White Tie is extra formal, where only long gowns are acceptable for women, while men wear a black dinner jacket with tails, a white shirt, white vest and white bow tie.
The venue you choose says a lot about how you want people to act and enjoy themselves, so choose wisely. If your reception is in a beautiful museum, it may be less suitable to boogying down than a tented affair with a dance floor.
Seating for a formal affair consists of a head table for the wedding party with the bride seated to the groom’s right, followed by the best man on her right. The maid of honour is on the groom’s left, and then alternately, on both sides, an usher or groomsman with a bridesmaid. A U-shaped table works well for bigger parties and encourages easier conversation. Intersperse the groom’s side and the bride’s side so they get a chance to know each other better (they are family now!), but be considerate of people’s feelings and former associations. Keep divorced couples at separate tables. Jerry Springer may be funny on TV, but not on your wedding day.
A sit-down meal is ideal for a formal wedding. The different kinds of services are plated, Russian and French service. Plated service is where guests are seated to a full menu already arranged on their plates. In Russian service, the plates are at the table when guests sit down and the food is served at the table with one waiter serving meat, another serving vegetables and another the salad. French service is where one waiter holds the plate, while a second serves the food.
Set the mood to your formal affair by starting your first dance together to music by a string quartet. Make the rest of your day special by hiring a fabulous orchestra, including string and brass sections, to create the ambience for your guests to dance the night away. Picture the romantic dancing scene in Sabrina with Harrison Ford and Julia Ormond!
SEMI-FORMAL
While there is more flexibility with this type of event, if in doubt, you may want to err on the side of correctness. Venue again will play an important part in your setting for a semi-formal affair. You may decide to hold your wedding at an upscale restaurant you and your groom-to-be enjoy.
Seating depends on the layout of the restaurant or venue. So you’re not surprised at the last minute, request a planned seating arrangement from the staff well in advance, especially to avoid giving guests a crowded and cramped night. A head table is still a good idea, but with the event’s slightly relaxed tone, you may want to consider including the spouses of your wedding party, using round tables to accommodate everyone.
Whether having one long table or multiple stations, a buffet allows your guests to pick and choose from your favourite foods without being forced to eat one type of meal. Stations help to keep guests mingling and cut down on waiting in lines, too. Try some popular choices like French crepes, Japanese sushi or your family’s ethnic food traditions.
Attire for a semi-formal wedding generally means suits for men and cocktail dresses for the ladies.
Keep the joint jumping by hiring a full-sounding, energetic band. Include guitars, drums, horns and keys, and have the lead singer get the crowd moving. Screen your bandleader wisely, though. You don’t want someone like Jon Lovitz’s character from The Wedding Singer torturing your audience all night!
INFORMAL/CASUAL
If protocol and tradition is not your thing, you may think this style of wedding is your way to go. But don’t move too fast¬—even casual weddings have an innate set of rules to follow. Emily Post, the famous etiquette godmother, said it is not about “prescriptions for properness” but more like “guidelines for doing things in ways to make people feel comfortable.”
Having a backyard reception tells your guests not only about the informality of the day, but also what kind of attire to expect. A stylish sundress with strappy sandals, or even shorts and bare feet may be suitable for such a relaxed event.
A cocktail reception is the perfect fit for an informal wedding, though they can be scaled up for semi-formal. Guests are able to roam around and talk with anyone they please, with no restrictions or worry about seating charts. But do remember the older crowd, or those wearing uncomfortable shoes, and have some seating available.
Serve finger foods, cheese and fruit trays, and other foods your guests can eat without any awkwardness (remember, one hand will often be holding a drink as well!).
For entertainment, DJs are great to heighten the mood and get your guests into a rockin’ good time. And seriously sentimental songs are not always required for the first dance; when Melissa Joan Hart married Mark Wilkerson, lead singer of Course of Nature, the two danced their first dance to “Never Tear Us Apart” by INXS.
Express yourself, and your love for one another, in any way you please. The main point of etiquette is to always keep in mind the happiness and comfort of you and your groom, and the people who have come to celebrate your special day.
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