You’re excited to start planning your dream wedding abroad. However, unlike traditional weddings, the rules are a little different when it comes to an out-of-town affair. As you move forward with your wedding plans, certain questions might arise that slip between the cracks of classic etiquette. Who pays? Who do we invite? What do we do? While your questions may be new to you, they’re certainly not unheard of. And to answer them, Weddingbells sought the expert advice of etiquette guru Anna Post. Anna is the great-great-grand-daughter of Emily Post, and is the author of Emily Post’s Wedding Parties. Renowned for her expertise in modern etiquette, Anna’s advice has appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal and USA Today. We asked her for advice on dealing with common destination wedding dilemmas. She offered these 10 tips:
1. Plan early. Let people know your plans as far in advance as possible. You can send out save-the-dates, but a personal phone call will do as well.
2. Stay in frequent contact with the people at your destination. It may seem common sense, but it’s important to have a good relationship with them when you get there.
3. Be clear with your guests about what you will be paying for. If you can tell them in person, that’s even better because you really want to keep matters of money out of the invitation. However, if you can’t, it’s still acceptable to outline what you’re paying for in the invitation.
4. Let your guests know about other things to do while they’re at your destination. Technically, you’re hosting them, so give them options of things to do.
5. Be very thoughtful about your guest list. It can go two ways. Don’t hold back inviting somebody because you’re not sure they’ll be able to attend. Give them the option of coming, and let them decide for themselves. On the other hand, be mindful of inviting people that you aren’t close with because they may feel uncomfortable at a more private and intimate affair.
6. Remember too that while guests will likely still give you a gift, it will probably be much smaller than you’d receive at a traditional wedding. It’s nice if you can tailor your wish list to accommodate those guests who choose to travel out-of-town with you.
7. If you choose to have a second celebration or reception at home, be aware that guests aren’t required to bring a gift to that. This is important to note, so that you don’t get upset if they show up empty-handed.
8. Be aware that, traditionally, you pay for the lodging of your bridal party. It’s a great reminder for any wedding. If this isn’t going to be possible, talk to your bridal party about it early in the planning.
9. If you’re going out of the country for your wedding, make sure you research marriage licenses in that country. There’s nothing worse than having your guests go the distance only to find out that the marriage is unofficial.
10. Because it is a destination wedding, everyone will be in a hotel and the hotel staff will be taking care of you. Remember to tip these people as well, not just your wedding planner. It’s important to show your appreciation.
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