No matter how much of a math whiz you are, there’s no magic formula to fit 200 of your closest friends and family members into a budget for 120 people. Here are some thoughts to help ease the guest list angst.
Half-pints
Despite expectations parents would be thrilled with an adult night out on the town, inviting mom and dad minus their small fry seems a touchy subject. Never write “no children, please” on the invite: invitations are about requesting someone’s attendance, not about exclusion. If an invitee assumes you meant to include their children, and writes their names on the response card, it is acceptable to call them and regretfully advise no children are invited. If a guest surprises you by bringing their uninvited offspring, be gracious. They’re already present and it’s not worth getting your garter in a knot. Smile, calmly arrange for the seats and continue with your marvellous wedding day.
One is not the loneliest number
Proper etiquette dictates you are not obligated to include a date on invitations to single friends. If you do invite their date, ask whom they intend to bring and include the date’s name on the invitation. Otherwise, address the envelope to single friend “and guest,” indicating they may bring an escort.
Use common sense
“Distant family members are not as important as close friends,” was the mantra of Catherine Hernandez, who married Mark McNeilly at Toronto’s Old Fort York last September. “I think it’s easier when you have a small wedding like we did,” Hernandez notes. “Because we could only invite 80 guests, we were forced to be selective.” While Hernandez was determined to do things her way, she admits close relatives are definite invitees. Johnson didn’t invite friends she hadn’t seen for awhile, or cousins she wasn’t close to—but she did include friends of her parents that she’d never met. Her reasoning? “It’s my mom’s day too.”
Think outside the box
Johnson wanted to include some of her new co-workers, as well as grown-up children of her parents’ friends. Her solution was to ask them not to bring a gift and invite them for drinks and dancing after dinner. Hernandez was faced with the challenge of meshing two different cultures, and didn’t want anyone feeling isolated. The trestle seating at Old Fort York enabled each guest to talk easily with at least 10 other people.
Create a “wait” list
“You have to be very careful not to hurt people’s feelings,” Johnson advises. She found a wait list allowed her to invite people she couldn’t initially include. While Hernandez found explaining the limited size of her venue helped people understand why she couldn’t invite them, they appreciated being put on her wait list. “In the end 10 couldn’t attend, so I could invite more friends,” she recalls.
Mail invites promptly
For in-town guests, mail invitations six weeks before; for out-of-towners, at least two months prior. Trina Silano and her husband’s wedding was Labour Day Weekend, so she was able to expand her options when 60 people cancelled. Ditto for Hernandez when members of her extended family in the Philippines just couldn’t make it. On the other hand, all 37 of Johnson’s out-of-town guests attended her wedding. If long-range planning is important, send a “save the date” card six months in advance.
In the end, though, a wedding is always more than dollars and cents. For a few dollars more, your wedding party could be graced by a few extra faces, providing happy memories for years to come. “When couples hesitate about inviting someone to their wedding, I usually tell them to go ahead,” Beckett says. “If you do, you’ll never regret it.”
