When it comes to registering for your wedding, it’s easy to get confused about what’s appropriate and what’s plain rude to ask your guests. Then there are all of the details surrounding what to do after the wedding from thank-you cards to returning gifts. Read on to find out the answers to your burning questions.
1. I’ve been living with my fiancé for the last three years and we have almost everything we need for our home. We would prefer to receive money. How do I ask for it without sounding greedy?
It’s inappropriate to ask for money on your invitations. If you’d prefer to receive cash gifts, enlist the help of your friends and family to spread the word. Plus, some of your guests may prefer to give an actual item, so be sure to register for some things.
2. Is it OK to return wedding gifts that we don’t want? We received some things that weren’t even on our registry and that we will never use.
It happens to every couple. You receive a gift that is completely unsuitable to your taste or even worse your needs (i.e. you don’t drink and received wineglasses). If the guest included a gift receipt or purchased from the store that you registered at (but ignored your list), it’s perfectly acceptable to make an exchange to better suit you. However, don’t forget to properly thank your guest for that item whether you keep it or not.
3. I’ve read that you aren’t supposed to put where you’ve registered in your invites, but I have recently received some invitations that have included it. What is the proper thing to do?
The information you read is correct. You shouldn’t include a list of your registries on the invite or include a card. Although it seems practical, it makes it look like you’re highlighting the gift giving versus the special day, says Emily Post in Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette. A wedding website is an alternative location to post registry information without it being in your guests’ faces.
4. I just got engaged. When am I supposed to start registering?
As soon as you announce your engagement to the world, people will want to congratulate you. While the majority of your guests will purchase a gift closer to the wedding date, don’t forget about all of those other celebrations surrounding your big day like the engagement party and bridal shower. Aim to register anywhere from six to 12 months ahead and be sure to check back to update your list closer to the actual date.
Read about your Registry Timeline.
5. What do I say in a thank-you card if a guest gave me money?
Just like you would if you received an item, you need to thank your guest in appropriate time and acknowledge the gift. But instead of saying thank you for X dollars, tell them what you plan on using it for. For example, “Thank you so much for your generous gift. We will be using the money towards our honeymoon to Tahiti and can’t thank you enough for helping make our dream trip come true.”
6. Is it OK to ask for expensive gifts, like a flat-screen TV or work of art?
You’re definitely allowed to ask for pricier items such as electronics, furniture or art. It’s one of the only times in your life when you’re expected to ask for extravagant gifts. Even if no one you know is rolling in the dough, some of your guests may prefer to all pitch in and buy you that designer luggage set you’ve had your eye on. Plus, they’ll feel good knowing you received something extra-special.
7. When do you send out thank-you cards? Can I sign my husband’s name or do we both need to sign?
Thank-you cards should be sent within two weeks of receiving the gift or if it was received on the wedding day, one month after. When it comes to signing the card, whoever wrote the note can sign for both people. Don’t forget, one party doesn’t have to do all of the notes: split them up between the two of you—the gifts are for both of you, right?
Read about sending the Perfect Thank You.
8. My fiancé and I are planning a destination wedding, but don’t want our guests to bring gifts abroad. How do we mention this politely?
Chances are many of your guests are probably thinking the same thing. Lugging breakable or expensive items across the border is not only risky, but also totally impractical! Get your family and close friends to spread the word that you’d prefer they deliver by mail. Also consider leaving your mailing information on your wedding website, so guests will know where to send your gifts.
9. I’m not comfortable with the idea of opening up my gifts in front of everyone. Do I have to do that?
When it comes to your wedding shower, a lot of guests expect the bride to open her gifts in front of everyone—often as part of the entertainment of the shower. Guests usually like to see the recipient open the gifts and some may think it’s rude if you don’t open them at the shower. However, if you absolutely hate the idea of opening gifts in front of them, tell the host to discreetly mention it to your guests. Also if you have more than 30 gifts it is best not to open up the gifts in front of everyone, as it will take the fun out of your shower.
10. I would rather save time and money and email my thank yous, but my mom says I need to send a handwritten letter. Who is right?
Sorry to say, but mom’s right. While email is great for some communication, when it comes to a sincere thank you, you must go with the handwritten route. The thank you should indicate the item the guest gave you and be sent within two weeks of receiving the item or no later than one month after the wedding. The only time email is acceptable is if you’re running late—you could email each guest that you apologize for your tardiness, but have received the item and a thank-you card is on the way.
Read all about Online Invites.
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