Arranging places
The positioning of the head table often depends on the reception hall or the size of the wedding party. The “traditional” rectangular head table is placed in the most advantageous position in the dining room, facing towards the guests. This setup has become the norm, due to its practicality more than anything else. If you opt to include bridesmaids, ushers, and their respective spouses and dates, you might have to rethink this configuration. Consider a U-shaped table (again, facing towards guests) or an L-shaped table in a corner. In both cases, the members of the wedding party would sit along one side only (and not at the ends), so as not to obstruct the view of the bride and groom.
Another option is a circular or square table in the middle of the room. This approach works best when all the tables for the reception are small and of the same size, seating about six people each. This intimate arrangement allows you to be surrounded by your friends and family, and it can alleviate the problem of particularly sticky family relationships.
A new trend is to have the bride and groom seated on their own at a table set just for two. There’s mixed opinion on whether this works successfully or not. It certainly makes for great photos, but it’s also very exclusionary. You wouldn’t throw a fancy dinner party for all your loved ones and then sit off by yourselves at your own table. Keep in mind that the purpose of a wedding reception is to celebrate with friends and family and to acknowledge their support of your marriage. Sitting apart from everyone won’t get that message across.
Some couples omit a formal table altogether, preferring instead to wander about and mingle with their guests. This is perfectly acceptable, but there should always be a table designated for the bridal party, a place where members can set their belongings, eat dinner, or just sit and relax.
Who sits where?
Something as seemingly straightforward as the seating arrangements at a head table can be a subject for heated debate. Consult a variety of etiquette resources and you’re bound to find a variety of different rules on what is—and is not—appropriate. Our advice? Consider religious or ethnic traditions, family circumstances, and personal obligations then determine the choice of head-table personnel and the seating arrangement with which you and your fiancé are most comfortable.
The bride and groom traditionally sit at the centre of the table, the bride on her groom’s right, facing their guests, with alternating men and women on either side. Depending on your personal needs, the choice of who sits at the head table usually falls into one of the following two scenarios.
Scenario A gives precedence to the members of the bridal party. Traditionally, spouses or dates of wedding-party members would not sit at this head table, but this is up to the discretion of the bridal couple. The bride’s and groom’s parents would sit at an honored table, along with the officiator (and his wife or her husband) and a few other family members or close friends.
Scenario B incorporates the parents and other select relatives of the bridal couple—an old-fashioned tradition not often followed these days. If you are considering choosing this option, consideration must be given to new partnerships, remarriages, divorces, or separations, as well as family frosts and frictions. If possible, seat divorced parents separately. If your family situation is complex, uncomfortable, or simply large, your best bet is to stick to Scenario A. Trend settings
The head table should look like a place of honor. All you need are a few simple additions to standard place settings. Here are some ideas.
- Dress your table with an elegant table runner in a dramatic color (perhaps one you’ve made yourself).
- Have your florist create a floral garland to swag along the front of the table. Or simply swag a length of tulle that has been gathered up (with lengths of ribbon tied into bows) at the centre and at the two front corners of the table.
- Place special toasting goblets at the places for the bride and groom.
- Decorate the bride’s and groom’s chairs. If you’re feeling ambitious, decorate all the chairs at the head table.
- Have the bridesmaids place their bouquets along the front edge of the table in lieu of a standard table centrepiece.
- Add special napkins and/or napkin rings to each place setting and allow the head-table participants to keep them afterward as special gifts.
- Make the head-table place cards do double-duty, as private notes by making them larger than usual so that you can add a handwritten line or two thanking the person for being with you on your big day.
Members of the head table should approach the table at the beginning of the evening in an orderly fashion. Many couples find that an announcement by the master of ceremonies, followed by a dramatic procession of the head-table members led by the bridal couple, is a great way to kick off the reception. Those seated at the head table should be free to dance or visit with other guests at will during the course of the evening but should be in their assigned seats for the duration of the meal and the round of toasts and/or speeches. ™
