Planning

Wedding Party

Pint-Sized Participants

Here's help for deciding whether to take kids down the aisle.

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In recent years, as many as two-thirds of all wedding parties include children joining in on the ceremony or celebrations, suggests a Weddingbells.ca online poll. It's one of the most notable wedding trends emerging and often represents the union of two established families rather than just husband and wife.

Young children often serve in formal or semi-formal wedding ceremonies as flowergirls and ringbearers. If you don’t have any children of your own, you can ask other children that you know well (relatives, perhaps, or the children of close family friends), asking permission of the parents first, of course. If you don’t know any children very well, it’s best not to try to find some just for the sake of appearances at the wedding. Keep in mind things might not go well if children are asked to join a ceremony in which all of the participants are strangers.

Flowergirl
The flowergirl carries a basket of flowers or a small bouquet or nosegay. Though local customs may vary, the flowergirl’s place in the procession is usually the same for both Christian and Jewish ceremonies, appearing after the bridesmaids, just ahead of the bride. The flowergirl usually wears a dress that bears some similarity to the other bridal attendants’ dresses, but she still ought to look like a little girl.

Ringbearer
The ringbearer’s function in the wedding ceremony is to carry a small pillow bearing the ring or rings to the altar. Some brides leave nothing to chance and give the ringbearer decorative rings to carry, while the best man carries the real thing. Otherwise, a satin or lace pillow with ribbons to tie to the rings should ensure that they arrive safely at the altar. The best man can simply undo the ribbons at the right moment in the ceremony.

New Roles
While most people still think the classic role for a boy is to be the ringbearer and for a girl is to be the flowergirl, these days any role can be taken by either boys or girls. Also, there's nothing wrong with bending old traditions to accommodate older children who want to be involved in the second marriage of one of their parents. For instance, some parents have asked their eldest child to be their best man or maid of honour with great success.

Age and Personality
The important thing is to keep age and personality in mind if children are being considered for these duties.

Every bride’s greatest fear is that something will go wrong in the ceremony and, with young children present, the chances of a mishap certainly increase. An appropriate age for the child attendants is usually between the ages of four and seven. Children younger than four are cute, certainly, but can’t remember directions well and baulk at the sight of crowds.

A child who is strong-willed or shy may not be the best choice. If they are shy, but still have an interest in helping out, they can be assigned a quiet job to do at their own pace, such as making sure all the guests sign the guest book. Even if a bride and groom feel obligated to ask certain children to be in their wedding, children should never be forced to participate against their will.

Tips for Taking on Tykes
Here are some additional tips and ideas that can help parents and the bride and groom plan ahead if children are to be a part of the wedding.

• It's best if the bride and groom first discuss the idea with a child's parents or guardians. If everyone agrees it would be appropriate at this point, it's important to ask the child personally if he or she wants to be in the wedding.
  
  
• Remember that a child acting as maid of honour or best man will not be able to sign the register as a witness. You will need to have an adult of legal age on standby to fill this legal requirement.
  
  
• It may be a good idea to pair a young child with an older one for the walk down the aisle.
  
  
• Let the children know exactly what is expected of them and speak to them in a relaxed manner. If they sense that you have confidence in them, they will usually respond well.
  
  
• Parents of children in the wedding party should be seated as close to the front as possible so that the child can have eye contact or sit with a parent during the ceremony.
  
  
• Consider a special table at the reception exclusively for children. An older child could supervise or you could hire a mature babysitter. Having all the children at one table will make the evening more interesting for them and free parents to enjoy the conversation at their own tables.

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