You’ve asked your best friend to say a word at your wedding. Though she’s typically well-spoken, she can get nervous in a crowd. Your worry is she might mimic Rachel McAdams’ disastrous maid of honour speech in Wedding Crashers and stun your lively guests into an awkward silence. She’s only one of many who will take the podium during your party, and chances are she’s not the only one who gets the jitters in front of a mike. To help your speech-makers shine, read on to learn more about the whos, whats and whys of wedding day speaking.
Who Speaks?
Today, there are no hard-and-fast rules about who can and can’t propose a toast at your wedding, but that doesn’t mean everyone should get a turn at the mike. Typically, speeches are given by the father of the bride, the groom, the best man, the maid of honour, bridesmaids, parents-in-law and the bride. “Maybe it’s just a sign that I’m friends with very vocal people, but I think that the days of the groom speaking on behalf of the woman are gone,” says recently wed Amy Laski from Toronto, who spoke solo at her wedding. Shauna Calder, a recent bride from Mississauga, Ontario, stepped up to the mike with her groom. “My husband and I thanked our family and friends for their help, support and love, and also thanked them, especially those from out of town, for all coming to share in our special day,” Calder relates. If you have family that have expressed an interest in saying a few words, you may want to suggest the place to do so is at the rehearsal dinner—the mood here is less formal. Fun anecdotes and less traditional speeches are definitely a welcome addition to the evening!
What Should Be Said?
So now you know who’s talking, but now your speech-makers want to know what they’re supposed to say. “The most important thing is to keep on track and make sure the speech reflects every individual’s personality,” advises Esther Turner, speech writer and owner of Toronto’s Your Word’s Worth. You need to inform your speakers, whether by phone or email, about what they should include in their comments. Your father will most likely include things in his speech like thanking everyone for attending, welcoming his new son-in-law into the family, maybe squeezing in a tale or two about your childhood or the first time he met your new mister, and finally ending with a toast to you both. For your groom, he typically thanks your parents, your guests for coming and your bridesmaids, ending with a toast to the girls (many couples now speak together, to support each other and say their thank-yous collectively). Typically, one of the most anticipated speakers of the evening is always the best man. It’s his job to thank the groom on behalf of the bridesmaids, and to add a suitable, amusing (read: not offensive!) anecdote about the bride and groom, then toast the happy couple.
Having Your Say
So you’ve now definitely decided you want to have your say at your wedding. The most important thing to do is write it all down—don’t try to wing it. “In the time leading up to your wedding, keep a running document of things you want to include, such as funny quotes and stories,” Laski suggests. “That way, when you do sit down to write a speech, it won’t be so intimidating—you’ll have all the information at your fingertips.”
How should you kick it off? Keep it light, sentimental and most of all family friendly—this is no time to debut a risqué standup routine. “You will want to thank your guests for attending, plus your parents and your new in-laws, ultimately ending with a toast to your groom,” Lisa Hanslip, owner of Calgary, Alberta’s Ask A Wedding Planner shares. The most important thing to remember during your speech—be yourself. Speak from the heart and make sure the words you choose and the tone you take is yours.
Guest Speakers
When picking your lineup of toastmakers, make sure these characters are not on the roster.
- Timid Tim: He hates public speaking and might spend the bulk of his speech repeatedly apologizing that his speech “might be a little long” and he “hopes what I’m about to say is OK” since he’s “not used to doing this type of thing.”
- Miss Brief: She likes things a little too short and sweet. Her speech could consist of one word only: “congratulations.” Save the podium for someone with a little more to share.
- Negative Nelly: She’s your best friend and has no problem letting all your guests know she was “forced into this speech” by you.
- Pompous Polly: She loves an audience, and thinks they apparently can’t get enough of her. Never pass the mike to Polly—she’ll be up there sharing stories about herself with the crowd for the better part of the night!
- Rude Ruthie: This one’s sarcastic, but not in a funny way. If you’ve heard her telling stories about how she never thought you would find someone to marry and how she really didn’t think your new mister was very good-looking when she first met him, give this one a definite miss.
- Ms. Formality: She’s the pillar of properness, but quite frankly her static speech, peppered with big, literary words like “altruistic” and “germane,” is a given she’ll have ’em snoring in the aisles. Replace her with an understudy: Ellen the Entertainer.
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