In the first flush of engagement, you may want to invite the whole world to your wedding. But if you’re one of the majority who’d like to choose the number of guests for your wedding and decide who they will be, you’ll find it’s easiest when you plan ahead and follow a few simple rules of etiquette.
The first order of business is to decide on the style of your wedding and a budget. Once you have a good idea of the number of people you can afford to invite, it’s time to start figuring out who’s going to make the cut.
The most diplomatic way is to divide the total number of guests by four. One quarter of the guests should be decided upon by the bride, another quarter by the groom, one by the bride’s parents, and one by the groom’s parents. If the groom’s parents are not co-hosting the wedding and/or live out of town, the gracious host still gives them the option of inviting one quarter of the guests. However, out of town parents should strive particularly hard to be realistic when drawing up their portion of the guest list. If they know only a few people will attend from out of the town, they should tell the brides family. Everyone involved in making up a portion of the list should do their utmost to stick to the limit, knowing that to go over it does impact greatly on the cost of the wedding.
Must invites
- Wedding officiator (and spouse) should be invited to reception (though not expected they’ll attend)
- All wedding-party members and parents of bride and groom, despite the fact they already know details of event intimately
- A spouse, fiancé or live-in companion of any guest or wedding-party member should be included. Girlfriends and boyfriends of guests or wedding party members are another matter: if you can afford to invite them by all means do so, though you are not obliged. Alternatively, invite them to the ceremony only or to dancing after the dinner reception
- New spouses of brides or grooms divorced parents should be invited to wedding and reception. Every effort should be made on the part of all parties to put aside differences on wedding day for sake of bride and groom.
- If bride and/or groom are close to the parents of attendant, then parents should be invited to wedding and reception
- People in mourning should be invited to the wedding and reception, though they should feel free to decline.
- Important business associates from either family should be invited to wedding ceremony, though it will depend on the traditions of your community as to whether it’s expected these people also be invited to the reception.
Editor’s Note: weddingbells.ca has laid out the traditional way to divide up the guest list. Please remember there are always exceptions – it can be divided up differently depending on who’s paying for the wedding, special family situations, cultural diversity and individuality.
