Begin with a reality check
“Without a budget guideline, it’s easy to go off the rails,” confirms wedding planner Joyce Beckett of St. John’s, Newfoundland. Make a realistic assessment of what you can afford. Once you’ve decided on the reception details, you will know how many people you can invite. Whether your wedding is small, medium or large, the guest list will present a challenge. Be firm, or you’ll be paying off your wedding for years to come.
Economize on non-essentials
Take a long hard look at all the elements of your wedding—no doubt you’ll find a few extras you can live without. Eliminate the chair covers and serve wedding cake for dessert—your celebration will certainly not lack and you’ll have extra cash to put towards guests.
Start a temporary list
You and your fiancé, your parents and in-laws all need a say. Everything gets tossed into the mix and creates friction. A temporary list allows those involved to understand they’re part of a process that’s just beginning. Request everyone—yourself included—divides their list into “must-haves” and “maybes.”
Kid’s stuff
At her 2002 summer wedding, April Johnson of Thunder Bay limited the number of very young children to those in her immediate family. “I included those who were 10 and up because I knew they were excited about coming,” Johnson says.
Use common sense
“Distant family members are not as important as close friends,” was the mantra for Catherine Hernandez, who married Mark McNeilly at Toronto’s Old Fort York last September. While Hernandez was determined to do things her way, she admits close relatives are definite invitees. Johnson didn’t invite friends she hadn’t seen for awhile, or cousins she wasn’t close to—but she did include friends of her parents that she’d never met. Her reasoning? “It’s my mom’s day too.”
Decide on your “must-haves”
“I think it’s easier when you have a small wedding like we did,” Hernandez notes. “Because we could only invite 80 guests, we were forced to be selective.” For Trina Silano and her husband, they were still forced to eliminate people they wanted.
Create a “wait” list
“You have to be very careful not to hurt people’s feelings,” Johnson advises. She found a wait list allowed her to invite people she couldn’t initially include. While Hernandez found explaining the limited size of her venue helped people understand why she couldn’t invite them, they appreciated being put on her wait list. “In the end 10 couldn’t attend, so I could invite more friends,” she recalls.
Mail invites promptly
For in-town guests, mail invitations six weeks before; for out-of-towners, at least two months prior. Because Silano’s wedding was Labour Day Weekend, she was able to expand her options when 60 people cancelled. Ditto for Hernandez when members of her extended family in the Philippines just couldn’t make it. On the other hand, all 37 of Johnson’s out-of-town guests attended her wedding. If long-range planning is important, send a “save the date” card six months in advance.
Think outside the box
Johnson wanted to include some of her new co-workers, as well as grown-up children of her parents’ friends. Her solution was to ask them not to bring a gift and invite them for drinks and dancing after dinner. Hernandez was faced with the challenge of meshing two different cultures, and didn’t want anyone feeling isolated. The trestle seating at Old Fort York enabled each guest to talk easily with at least 10 other people.
In the end, though, a wedding is always more than dollars and cents. For a few dollars more, your wedding party could be graced by a few extra faces, providing happy memories for years to come. “When couples hesitate about inviting someone to their wedding, I usually tell them to go ahead,” Beckett says. “If you do, you’ll never regret it.”
