Things used to be so simple. In the past, when paying for a wedding, the rules were clear. The bride’s side paid for the wedding, and the groom’s side paid for the rehearsal and honeymoon. Get it? Got it? Good. Not good enough, apparently. With today’s blended families, multiple families (and for many of us, dysfunctional families!), the rules are unclear at best. Factor in modern traditions and the popularity of extravagant weddings, and you’ve got one big monetary mess. These kinds of uncertainties can cause unneeded stress in an already stressful time. Here are some suggestions to find your way out of this financial maze.
Traditionally, the bride’s family pays for the bulk of the wedding costs. That includes invitations, the ceremony, reception, photography and every other decorative thing you can imagine. The bride’s family, if so inclined, also might pay for the accommodations for out-of-town guests on her side. According to recent Weddingbells research, the average Canadian couple invites 125 people to their affair and spends about $20,000 on their wedding. This is a big burden for most families to carry. Be considerate of your family’s budget (no Bridezillas, please!). Costs rise quickly causing stress on both sides. You might be seeing your glorious wedding dreams come true, while your parents are left with a nightmarish mountain of bills.
The groom’s side does not get off scot-free, though. Along with responsibility for the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon expense, the groom’s side traditionally pays for his attire, the bride’s rings and gift, gifts for the groomsmen, the bride’s flowers and the officiant’s fee. Accommodations for out-of-town guests from his side could be included as well. His side might even help out by paying for the liquor at the reception. The honeymoon expense amounts to a lot depending on how well travelled you and your groom are, or hope to be! The average couple spends $4,500 on their honeymoon. If both you and your groom are working, plus planning the wedding, a luxurious destination vacation is exactly what you’ll need to unwind and enjoy each other before the rat race starts again. Luckily, this is one area where it is OK to pick exactly what you want, finances willing, without considering another’s opinion—except his, of course!
It is perfectly acceptable for the groom’s family to offer to pay for part of the wedding if they are financially more able, or just want to share in the day; however, never expect this offer. Whatever happens, the invitations should reflect the generosity of the giver. After offering so graciously, you want everyone to be acknowledged for his or her part. When splitting the wedding cost between the two families, include both parents’ names on the invitation. The same goes if only the mother or only the father is paying for the wedding. Give credit where credit is due!
Attendants and groomsmen are usually responsible for their own travel expenses and attire for the wedding day. However, getting preoccupied with your wedding can leave you forgetting about other people’s budgets—since you are spending so much—so remember your friends who have willingly made the sacrifice. Most bridesmaids are happy to spend the money to stand beside you as you marry your true love. But if you pick a dress that costs $500, and your best friend is working part-time while paying for university, she might begrudge ever saying “yes”.
If you have decided to go it alone, there is freedom in paying for the wedding yourselves. Money is power, and with someone else having power over your wedding, you may not get what you envisioned. But you don’t always have to sacrifice your style for budget-friendly options. Shawna Baer, of Burlington, Ontario, who is paying for her own wedding with her fiancé, Tim, thinks she would be just as frugal if someone else were paying for it. “I’d still have a simple, outdoor barbecue if I were a millionaire. It fits our personality and what we enjoy.”
If your parents do offer to contribute a portion of money, or cover one particular aspect like the flowers, ask them (graciously) to tell you the amount they are willing to spend ahead of time, making it easier to plan your expenses.
Budget the different aspects of your wedding accordingly. The reception will make up 50 percent of your total cost. Expect the venue at your reception to amount to 10 percent of that amount. Photography, music and apparel will be around 10 percent each, with flowers at seven percent. Invitations, wedding cake and transportation are about 10 percent combined, and miscellaneous items are three percent.
In the end, deciding who pays for what in these modern times is up to you, your groom and your families. Keeping everyone informed, and being considerate of each family’s financial abilities, will go a long way toward curbing the stress naturally accompanying this process, and hopefully prevent a family feud. Remember, quibbling over a few dollars isn’t important—what’s important is creating a wonderful new life with your true love.
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