Let your love culminate in a unique and memorable wedding ceremony. By Viviane Kertesz
Amid the whirlwind of gown fittings and reception planning, it’s easy to overlook the details of one ultra-important wedding day component: the ceremony. Whether you choose a spiritual service or a religious ceremony, make yours one to remember with these tips.
Wedding day Wish List
Write a wish list with your groom about the type of service—religious or spiritual—you’d like to have, remembering to think about ceremony formality and guest number, which may differ from number of reception invitees.
Pro Planning
Next, choose a marriage officiant—or a wedding planner who can introduce you to one—then meet in person to make sure you connect. “When I meet with a couple, I fire questions at them about family customs, different people who might take part in the ceremony, and find out who these people are and what they love,” says Reverend Allan Burnett, of Vancouver, B.C.’s Chapel at Stanley Park (thechapelatstanleypark.com). A good officiant will explain traditional ceremony symbolism and options, plus give you typical service templates as a base to work from.
Bridging Cultures
Wedding planners can advise on everything from faith and cultural issues to locating appropriate ceremony sites. Suzanne Hurst, wedding planner at Montreal, Quebec’s Galleria Event Design (galleriamontreal.com), has seen a lot of weddings during her 14-year former tenure as publisher of MARIAGE Québec, Weddingbells’ French-language sister publication. “A couple’s biggest concern—especially when they come from different backgrounds as is often the case in Quebec—is how they can reflect their culture and beliefs while keeping it balanced and interesting for the diversified guests in the audience,” Hurst explains. So how can you have your wedding cake and eat it too?
Mixing Blessings
Interfaith couples need not get discouraged: review what is meaningful about your respective backgrounds and include those traditions in your ceremony. “For a Christian/Jewish wedding, a couple can hold the ceremony outdoors, presided over by a Christian minister, but incorporate the Jewish tradition of breaking the glass and signing the Ketubah, the Jewish marriage contract,” suggests Toronto-based wedding planner Cynthia Martyn, of Cynthia Martyn Events Inc. (cynthiamartyn.com). Should either of you plan to convert, discuss this with your officiant, in case special requirements need to be met before marriage.
Keep the Faith
Can’t decide? Have two ceremonies. Recent bride Maya Kumar wed Panos Kalligeros in a Greek Orthodox ceremony in Athens, Greece—and again at a Hindu temple in Toronto. “Since both sets of parents really wanted a traditional wedding, the solution was two ceremonies—one in Sanskrit and the other in ancient Greek. It took a lot more planning, which included watching Monsoon Wedding and My Big Fat Greek Wedding a few times, but was well worth it!” Kumar admits.
Location, Location, Location
Location will greatly influence the look and feel of your ceremony. If you’re not marrying in a house of worship, let your profession or passion dictate a venue that says “you.” Katherine Lomax, of Edmonton, Alberta’s An Affair To Remember/Elegant Touches (eleganttouches.ca), has planned weddings where the couple first met, kissed or professed their love for each other, and even where the couple’s parents got married or engaged. Try the tee box if you’re golf enthusiasts, a gallery if you’re artists, or a comedy club or event theatre if you’re actors.
A Family Affair
There are many ways for loved ones to share in your day. Honour close friends by asking them to recite a reading, and include children—or even pets!—as attendants. Ask mom to be your maid of honour, or dad your best man. For a dearly departed family member, display their photo, place a bouquet of their favourite flowers on a front-row chair, or pay homage by inviting someone to light a memory candle as a tribute.
One-of-a-kind Offerings
Personalize your ceremony with unique services like dove or butterfly releases. “Exchange roses after you’ve been announced as husband and wife, as a symbol of your first gift to each other as a married couple,” Lomax suggests. Break the ice post-welcome by asking guests to show a sign of peace toward their neighbours in a communal handshake, or have a friend take the officiant course to marry you and your groom.
Vow to Wow
Vows are a promise—a reflection of your commitment to your partner, and what they mean to you. Take your officiant’s vows and tweak them, or write your own, but speak from the heart. To avoid using cue cards or woodenly reciting memorized vows, have your officiant read them aloud for you to repeat. “Vows can be funny, but shouldn’t be embarrassing. Use the opportunity to say in front of all your friends and family what this person means to you,” Martyn advises. For interracial couple Tilda Peltz and Cosby Jackson, making a simple statement was key. Their one-liner wedding vow, “I will love you forever and no other,” says more with less.
The Sound of Music
“Like perfume, music has an association of memory—when you hear a song, it transports you back to a special moment,” Hurst notes. Select music that moves you and reflects the mood—happy or sedate—you wish to set for the rest of the day. “At an Arab-Scottish wedding I presided over, the recessional was Arabic music, with the bridal couple led out of the ceremony by a belly dancer,” says Uxbridge-based Reverend John McKibbon, of All Seasons Personalized Ceremonies (weddingvows.ca). Lomax has seen everything from U2’s “A Beautiful Day” to the “Hockey Night in Canada” theme. And for her walk up the aisle, bride Sophie Beaulieu chose the Johnny Cash version of “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.” “It probably expressed how we wanted to live our married life better than our own words ever could.”